Resiliency That Transforms Your Setbacks

Find the strength to keep going. No matter how it looks, no matter how it seems, no matter what, you keep going. American inventor Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

According to legend, Thomas Edison made thousands of prototypes of the incandescent light bulb before he finally got it right. And, since the prolific inventor was awarded more than 1,000 patents, it's easy to imagine him failing on a daily basis in his lab in Menlo Park, New Jersey.

In spite of struggling with "failure" throughout his entire working life, Edison never let it get the best of him. All of these "failures," which are reported to be in the tens of thousands, simply showed him how not to invent something. His resilience gave the world some of the most amazing inventions of the early 20th century, such as the phonograph, the telegraph, and the motion picture.

It's hard to imagine what our world would be like if Edison had given up after his first few failures. His inspiring story forces us to look at our own lives – do we have the resilience that we need to overcome our challenges? Or do we let our failures derail our dreams? And what could we accomplish if we had the strength not to give up?

Resilience (or resiliency) is our ability to adapt and bounce back when things don't go as planned. Resilient people don't wallow or dwell on failures; they acknowledge the situation, learn from their mistakes, and then move forward…No matter how it looks, no matter how it seems, no matter what!

According to the research of leading psychologist, Susan Kobasa, there are three elements that are essential to resilience: Challenge, Commitment and Personal Control. Let’s briefly break that down.

1 Challenge – Resilient people view a difficulty as a challenge, not as a paralyzing event. They look at their failures and mistakes as lessons to be learned from, and as opportunities for growth. They don't view them as a negative reflection on their abilities or self-worth.

2 Commitment – Resilient people are committed to their lives and their goals, and they have a compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning. Commitment isn't restricted to their work – they commit to their relationships, their friendships, the causes they care about, and their religious or spiritual beliefs.

3 Personal Control – Resilient people spend their time and energy focusing on situations and events that they have control over. Because they put their efforts where they can have the most impact, they feel empowered and confident. Those who spend time worrying about uncontrollable events can often feel lost, helpless, and powerless to take any action.

Another leading psychologist, Martin Seligman, says the way that we explain setbacks to ourselves is also important. (He talks in terms of optimism and pessimism rather than resilience, however, the effect is essentially the same.) This "explanatory style" is made up of three main elements:

1 Permanence – People who are optimistic (and therefore have more resilience) see

the effects of bad events as temporary rather than permanent. For instance,

they might say, "My boss didn't like the work I did on that project" rather than

"My boss never likes my work."

2 Pervasiveness – Resilient people don't let setbacks or bad events affect other

unrelated areas of their lives. For instance, they would say "I'm not very good at

this" rather than "I'm no good at anything."

3 Personalization – People who have resilience don't blame themselves when bad

events occur. Instead, they see other people, or the circumstances, as the

cause. For instance, they might say "I didn't get the support I needed to finish

that project successfully," rather than "I messed that project up because I can't

do my job."

Experts have identified other resilient attributes common in resilient people:

  • Resilient people have a positive image of the future, maintaining a positive outlook, and envision brighter days ahead.

  • Resilient people have solid goals, and a desire to achieve those goals.

  • Resilient people are empathetic and compassionate; however, they don't waste time worrying what others think of them. They maintain healthy relationships, but don't bow to peer pressure.

  • Resilient people never think of themselves as victims – they focus their time and energy on changing the things that they have control over.

Up to now, I have shared points uncovered by experts on the topic of resiliency.

How we view adversity and stress strongly affects how we succeed, and this is one of the most important reasons that having a resilient mindset is so important.

The fact is that we're going to fail from time to time, even daily: it's an inevitable part of living that we make mistakes and occasionally fall flat on our faces. The only way to avoid this is to live a shuttered and meager existence, never trying anything new or taking a risk. Few of us want a life like that! As Paul Martinelli, a mentor and president of the John Maxwell Team always encourages, “Jump and figure it out on the way down.” That approach doesn’t make many people comfortable…but that’s the point. Your resilient nature will be forced to action. And you usually figure it out before the end of the fall.

So many veterans display courage throughout their military service. But that courage often stops at the door in their return to civilian life out of fear of failing. We need to have the courage to go after our dreams, despite the very real risk that we'll fail in some way or another. Being resilient means that when we do fail, we bounce back, we have the strength to learn the lessons we need to learn, and we can move on to bigger and better things.

Overall, resilience gives us the power to overcome setbacks, so that we can live the life we've always imagined.

Key takeaway

Resilience is the ability to bounce back when things don't go as planned.

You can develop resilience in several ways. First, take care to exercise regularly and get enough sleep, so that you can control stress more easily. The stronger you feel physically and emotionally, the easier it is for you to overcome challenges.

Focus with a positive mindset and try to learn from the mistakes you make. Build strong relationships with colleagues and friends, so that you have a support network to fall back on. Set specific and achievable personal goals that match your values, and work on building your self-confidence.

© 2020 Zoe Transformation Coaching & Consulting. San Diego, CA. All Rights Reserved