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Confidently and Fearlessly Me


I never have to apologize for being me

I am confident in myself and my abilities. My confidence allows me to feel comfortable being myself. I never have to apologize for being me, nor will I ever apologize for being me. I feel confident, relaxed, and in control of my life.


As a homeless veteran in San Diego, CA from April 2016 to June 2017, I learned I no longer have to answer to anyone for being me. Know this, I will be me. Anyone hung-up on me being me is their problem to get over. I am more than willing to share the secrets of my evolution to those who desire to learn. From out of the ashes of homelessness, I mastered the art of thriving as a homeless man. In the midst of hopeless and homeless circumstances, I became confidently and fearlessly me. It is now your time to master the art of being confidently and fearlessly you. When you actualize this art, you will never be the same again.


It was a lonely journey during the deconstruction and reconstruction seasons of my life. But the pain of that journey has been far worth it.


Affirmations for You

I am authentic and courageous about letting others see the real me. If you want to be critical because of your jealousy, I don't give a shit.


I know that I have a lot to offer the world. It is my responsibility to bring out my best. The best parts of me are those parts that are unique. I am confident enough to reveal these unique parts of myself, even though they are different from most people.


I refuse to feel the need to be perfect except for being perfectly human. Being perfectly human is different from being perfect. I accept my flaws, and I am able to show them to the world. My positives far outweigh my negatives. I have important things to accomplish, so I avoid worrying about any shortcomings I might have.


I am confident that I have an important role to fulfill in the world.


I am becoming an even more confident person. Each day, I can feel my confidence

Each day, I can feel my confidence growing

growing. I am becoming fearless. I am becoming unstoppable. I am happy with myself and the person I am becoming.


Today, I am fearlessly revealing myself to the world. I am confident in my abilities. I am comfortable in my own skin. I expect to have a wonderful day.


Self-Reflection Questions:


  • What is something that hardly anyone knows about me?

  • Why haven’t I allowed others to see this side of me?

  • What do I want to do with my life, but haven’t?

  • What is holding me back?

  • What are my greatest qualities?

  • How do I fearlessly bring these qualities out into the world?


The Four Identity Statuses


Clinical and developmental psychologist Dr. James Marcia built on Erik H. Erikson's work on identity. Marcia (1993) identified and proposed four statuses of identity:


  • Identity Diffusion - A person has not yet experienced an identity crisis or identity exploration and has not made any identity commitment.

  • Identity Foreclosure - A person has made a commitment but has not experienced any identity crisis or exploration.

  • Identity Moratorium - A person experiencing an identity crisis but has not made a commitment to an identity.

  • Identity Achievement - A person has undergone an identity crisis and identity exploration and has made an identity commitment.

(Marcia, 1993)


If a parent is a fan of a particular college sports team, the child generally assumes that identity. Same with religious or political views. If a parent tells their 9-year old, "You are a football player and you will be the best running back in the league" (or whatever sport), the child takes on that identity (and all the pressures of that role). When that child assumes that identity, they enter the Identity Foreclosure status. The child did not have an opportunity to explore an identity for themselves because a parent gave them that identity.


One more example. A high school teenager is looking for personal identity so naturally, they assume the identity of their respective high school mascot, sports team (the Pirates, Bobcats, Warriors, Spartans, etc.), or some sub-culture group. A time comes when the pressures of post-graduation decisions mount and they decide to go into military service. They will assume the title of their respective military branch. I am a marine veteran myself. If that teen has not done identity exploration prior to entering military service, then they will enter the Identity Foreclosure status. This is fine up until they exit active-duty service and then do not know how to translate that identity into civilian life. Those who transition well likely were successful in their identity transition for civilian life and careers.


I left active-duty service and went into law enforcement. I went from marine to police officer (identity foreclosure). When I left police work, I struggled significantly because my identity was directly connected to my job. I felt lost and I didn't know who I was (identity crisis). I left law enforcement and started my own businesses and ministry work. Again, my identity directly connected to what I do for a living (identity foreclosure). It wasn't until my homeless time that I finally had the identity crisis that was necessary (identity moratorium). This led to the discovery of me, who I really am (identity achievement). An interesting thing about homelessness is you are apparently cut off from a lot of people in your life. I became a shame to a lot of family and friends. People with who I had previous relationships were no longer communicating with me. No doubt I had a few friends who still stuck close via communication in whatever way they could. I will never forget them.


Here is my point, I no longer had the influence of a lot of people who contributed to previous identities in my life. I was now left to explore my identity and who I am. I had no one to put their spin and opinions into my identity exploration. I discovered homelessness actually became a time of opportunity. I learned to thrive while homeless and built my coaching business during my homeless time. This contributed to becoming confidently and fearlessly me.


An identity crisis is a great place to be. It means a person is searching and conducting identity exploration. However, it is a place you don't want to live the rest of your life. Some people do. It should be noted that people don't always make the best choices or decisions about their identity during this phase.


Our story was featured in San Diego Voyager's Most Inspiring Stories. You can read that article here.


Speaking up for myself brings me rewards


I am my biggest supporter. It is my mission to defend my own rights, so I speak up when the occasion calls for it.


"I am confident in myself and my abilities. My confidence allows me to feel comfortable being myself. I never have to apologize for being me, nor will I ever apologize for being me. I feel confident, relaxed, and in control of my life." - Vince Morales

My job provides me with great opportunities to excel. When I hit the mark, it deserves to be recognized. I am clear about my professional wins so that they are taken with the greatest respect from my colleagues.


Working without due recognition is a form of mistreatment that I am intolerant of. My voice is loud when I am defending the acknowledgment that is due to me.

Sheep are not my company, lions are.

The same approach ensures that my personal relationships remain balanced. I look for friendships and partnerships that celebrate my wins instead of minimizing them. Whenever I sense disrespect, I pull myself away from those relationships.


I am clear with my spouse or partner about how I expect to be treated. Honesty and directness make for a clear understanding.


Whenever I experience something that makes me feel negative emotions, I talk about it. It is important to let the other person know how I feel. Doing that prevents it from happening again. It only takes one instance of mistreatment to make me vocal. But, let there be no doubt, I do not lose any sleep over the opinions of sheep. Sheep are not my company, lions are.


Today, my voice is loud and proud to speak out about negativity that others throw out to me. My courage and confidence grow stronger when I remain vocal about my expectations. I am the designer of my own happiness when my voice is heard.


Self-Reflection Questions:


  • What is the most important thing that others should know about me?

  • How do I view situations in which speaking up causes dissent?

  • How easy is it to defend my position against my most beloved friends?


I live like a lion!



Reference


Marcia, J. (1966). Development and Validation of Ego Identity Status. Journal of personality and social psychology. 3. 551-8. 10.1037/h0023281.


San Diego Voyager (2019) San Diego's most inspiring stories. Meet vince morales.

Retrieved from http://sdvoyager.com/interview/meet-vince-morales-of-zoe-transformation-

coaching-consulting/